just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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