I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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