never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
