I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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