Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
