Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
