Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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