I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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