I puked a lego.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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