I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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