I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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