He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
