hotel room ftw
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
