her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
