Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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