so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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