you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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