if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
