i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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