Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
