Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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