my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
