I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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