Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
