Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
