oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
