pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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