He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
