why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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