I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize