when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
