swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
