I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
