dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
