So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
