You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
