if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize