WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
