I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
