A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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