i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
