i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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