Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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