My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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