Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
