Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sext me about skeletons
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
