I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
