Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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