He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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