I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
