Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
