Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
