Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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