well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
