Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
