I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
