My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
