I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
