There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
