I'm jealous of your bromance
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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