I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
