woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
