I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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