ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
