I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
