Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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