I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
