im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
